Still Worried
How CPTSD Turns Temporary Stress into Permanent Patterns—And My Plan to Fix It
The CPTSD Project is a year-long project in which I undertake a recommended method each month to help those with CPTSD (Complex PTSD) rewire the brain. I check in weekly to let you know how the project is going. And you can see if anything here might benefit you as well. Long-term personal goals like this one are difficult, but it’s easier knowing I have some community—and accountability.
I’m not asking for any paid subscription from anyone. So, what I would love more than adding another annoying $5 charge to your automatic payments that you’ll want off in a year but never get around to deleting, is connection. Click the heart if this resonates. Share it with someone who needs it. Restack if you’re moved to. Just let me know this is landing somewhere with someone.
As some of you might know, this past August my family and I moved from Mobile, Alabama to Austin, Texas for a new job. I’m thrilled to be part of a thriving MFA program—directing it, in fact. One would think my 13-year-old would have struggled, but she’s thriving. My husband loves it, too. Now, my terrier does seem a bit sad. There are simply not as many critters to chase in Austin as there are in the swamp (and I say that with love) of Mobile. But I’m not going to lie: the move has been challenging for me.
The stress has been the typical: learning a new job, learning the personalities that come with it, unpacking, finding all the doctors, hairdressers—and selling the darn house in Mobile. The guy who was going to buy it backed out the day of closing back in July. So, we’ve been double-fisting house payments ever since.
Paying two mortgages has been rough. I grew up in a household where financial worries ran deep and being unhoused was a real threat. In fact, my dad’s paranoid schizophrenia left him unhoused the last twenty years of his life. Bankruptcy wasn’t just a thing in the game of Monopoly for me. So, this has been frightening. My worry has been downright obsessive. I’m playing Uno with my kiddo, and I’m oh-so-aware I’m not present. The churning in my stomach is exactly as Sheldon Cooper explained it when talking about throwing things away: “My ears start to ring, and I get butterflies in my stomach. And then it feels like the butterflies get eaten by rats, and then the rats get eaten by... It ends with dinosaurs.”
It always ends with dinosaurs to us catastrophizers.
I’m thrilled to say that last Friday we sold the house. Finally! And yes, I DID feel better. But guess what happened next? Some of you with GAD and CPTSD know the answer to this: I’m still worried. This past week I’ve noticed the intense worry has just shifted to new things. Now, work things.
I’ve always been someone who worries. A lot. But I feel like the intensive eight months of moving stress carved even deeper worry grooves in my brain. Neuroscientists say “neurons that fire together, wire together”—I’ve been running the same worry circuit so many times that my brain now defaults to it like a worn path through the woods.
February Focus
Given all of this, my focus for February will be on worry. Well, not on worrying, but on being mindful of the fact that I’m repeating patterns rather than protecting myself—which is the evolutionary reason for worry. It’s meant to help us. But some of us (and I’m raising my hand high here) overdo it to make sure nothing bad happens, not even the toppling of that second scoop of ice cream.
But can I actually fix this? Here’s the good news: neuroplasticity works both ways. The exact same mechanism that carved those worry grooves can carve new, healthier pathways. Research shows that the brain changes based on what you practice. So, I need to literally practice different patterns and change it back. Interventions like mindfulness, CBT, and self-compassion have been shown to reduce activity in those rumination networks, and people see measurable changes in brain connectivity after consistent practice. If 8 months of stress carved these pathways, then deliberate practice in the other direction can carve new ones. (I hope!)
That’s what makes this month-long experiment so powerful: I’m not just “trying to worry less.” I’m actively going to try building new neural infrastructure. Every time I catch a worry spiral and redirect it with self-compassion or a grounding technique, I’m literally weakening the old pathway and strengthening a new one.
That’s the goal at least.
But how? Well, we do have this thing called AI now. So, I asked Claude to help me come up with a structured plan. After a few revisions, here is what we came up with.
My Game Plan
Week 0: Notice
This past week I noticed the pattern. First step with anything. Big checkmark there. Onward!
Week 1 (Feb 6-12): Identify & Track
Goal: Understand my worry patterns without judgment
Daily practices:
Worry log: Note each time I catch myself worrying (time, trigger, duration, intensity 1-10)
Body scan: Where does worry live in my body? Tight chest? Clenched jaw? Stomach knot?
End-of-day reflection: What were my top 3 worry themes today?
Key insight to gather: When does worry spike? What triggers it? How long does it last?
Week 2 (Feb 13-19): Scheduled Worry Time + Cognitive Techniques
Goal: Contain and manage worry
Daily practices:
15-minute worry window: Set a specific time each day to deliberately worry. Write it all out. Outside this window, tell myself “I’ll think about that at 3pm.”
Productive vs. unproductive worry sorting: Can I control this? If yes, make a plan. If no, practice letting it go.
Grounding technique when spirals start: 5-4-3-2-1 sensory check-in or box breathing
Key insight to gather: What happened when I tried to postpone worry? Did the scheduled time help?
Week 3 (Feb 20-26): Self-Compassion Integration
Goal: Respond to worry with kindness instead of criticism
Daily practices:
Self-compassion break when worrying:
“This is a moment of suffering” (acknowledge it)
“Worry is part of being human” (common humanity)
Place hand on heart: “May I be kind to myself in this moment”
Reframe the inner critic: When I notice harsh self-talk about worrying (“Why can’t I just stop?”), respond like I would to a friend
Worry journal with compassion: Instead of just logging worry, add: “What would I say to a friend feeling this way?”
Key insight to gather: Notice the difference between trying to eliminate worry vs. responding to it with kindness
Week 4 (Feb 27-28): Integration & Reflection
Goal: Build my personal worry-management toolkit
Reflection questions:
Which techniques interrupted worry spirals?
Did self-compassion make worry easier to sit with?
What’s my go-to strategy now when worry starts?
What will I keep doing after February ends?
Daily Tracking (All 3 Weeks):
Worry frequency (how many times I caught myself worrying)
Worry duration (how long each episode lasted)
Self-compassion moments (when I responded kindly vs. critically)
Energy level / sleep quality (does managing worry better affect these?)
All right. Let’s see how this goes. As always, thank you for reading along with me!
Charlotte: sounds like a fantastic plan! Rooting for you.
Charlotte - Given the move and the liking of it, now that the 2 mortgages have become 1, it sounds like there will be more mindspace to tackle "the plan" for the month. I'd be curious to hear, should you pull off what you are highlighting does that energy level and sleep quality improve and if so, what other variables might also be at play.
What you are taking on - the ability to shift one's mind and body habits in relation to stress and anxiety is a solid undertaking. When all is said and done with the various different methods, 12 if I'm not mistaken, I will be interested to hear which aspects of what you are exploring helped you the most. Then, which one's you keep in the rotation of daily life.